Not long ago a mother was shocked to be reunited with her daughter. Two decades before (when the child was eleven) the young woman was abducted. Her case is not the only one of its kind as children are abducted and held against their will worldwide. For a parent, it is ghastly to imagine we live in a time where these things occur. Yet, we best protect our families by taking steps to prepare for the worst and develop guidelines to help keep us safe.
AN APPEALING UNTRUTH
A dangerous lie is a lie you want to be true. These are lies that you believe because the truth would be uncomfortable. “I don’t want to hurt you; just do as I say,” is an untruth that rings with the familiar tones of the original liar. The desire to believe you won’t get hurt is so great that many people will obey. This is very similar to adults that refuse to allow themselves to consider that their children might need to know what to do if they are grabbed. To imagine that their child might be taken is nightmarish.
BE INFORMED, NOT FEARFUL
To help your family and children avoid danger, the first step is to accept this world can be a dangerous place, and predators hunt easy targets. Children can be taught how to make themselves less of a target and what to do if the unthinkable occurs. By giving a child the tools he needs to deal confidently with an emergency and avoid peril, he is less likely to live in fear.
UTILIZE TEACHABLE MOMENTS
Discuss with your child how to identify a stranger. Make a game of it and review what you have learned while going about your normal routine with your child.
• Point out strangers that can be trusted if your child is in danger or needs help.
• Play a game to see who can identify a stranger. Remind them that strangers don’t always look frightening or creepy or old. Sometimes, an abductor isn’t even an adult, but a bigger child.
• Identify safe places a child could run to if they need help: stores, restaurants, homes of friends or family members, libraries, community centers, local police stations, etc.
• Observe people and talk about the difference between someone that is well-mannered and someone that is overly familiar. Help them identify when someone is ‘too’ nice or eerily perfect.
KNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD SHOULD HAVE
• A stranger is someone they do not know.
• NEVER go with a stranger, no matter how nice, even if it’s just for a short walk.
• Never go into a house, building or car with a stranger, no matter if they promise a reward, toy, candy or anything else, not even if the stranger knows their name. Yell “NO!” and run away.
• It’s okay to hit and hurt an adult if you are in danger. Children need to know that they aren’t being bad or rude when they escape and find help.
• An adult in need of genuine help won’t seek out a child. Instead, teach your child to shout, “NO!” and run for help. Adults can ask adults for help. It is not okay for a grownup to approach a child for help.
Avoid suspicious scenarios such as:
• Someone with a leash looking for a lost puppy.
• Someone needing directions.
• Drivers asking for help with mechanical difficulties.
• Someone asking for help to find something in a car or house.
Implement these as soon as possible:
• Consider using a secret word so that a child knows you sent a trusted adult. A child will know that even if the person knows his name, he shouldn’t go without hearing the secret word. This word needs to be changed regularly.
• Make it your custom to tell your child who and when another adult will be driving them.
• A child should NEVER receive gifts from a stranger without a parent present. A child should understand that he is to refuse gifts offered when parents are absent. Gifts are used as lures by some abductors. A child can be drugged by doped candy or harmed by other items hidden in gifts.
• They should trust their instincts. If something feels weird about a situation, they should run away. Tell them to run for help if they feel frightened. RUN – don’t walk – to the nearest safe place and TELL SOMEONE THEY NEED HELP.
• It is more important to be safe than it is to be polite. It’s better safe than sorry.
• Three R’s – Recognize, Respond and Report any stranger that makes them feel unsafe – IMMEDIATLEY.
ROLE PLAY; MAKE IT A GAME
• Pretend to be a stranger asking for directions or help to find a lost pet.
• Show the children how to keep a safe distance – beyond arm’s reach.
• Demonstrate for your child how to run away if a stranger grabs another child or gets too close. Talk about why they should run for help if another child is grabbed and not stay there.
• Help your child practice how to yell and scream effectively to attract the most attention.
• Teach your child to flail and kick well enough to break an abductor’s grip.
• Show your child how to claw an abductors face (eyes, ears, mouths & nose) with their fingers to get away.
BECOMING AN UNAPPEALING TARGET
• Train your children to remain in a group and look out for others.
• Remind your child that he should never go with someone that invites them to leave the group.
• Playtime should be with a group or a safe buddy.
• Require your child to check with you before they leave home or some other approved location.
• Talk with other parents in your community about these guidelines for child safety.
When you make these things part of your daily living, your child should not become fearful. These items can be taught just as parents teach their children to wear seatbelts, watch for traffic and wash their hands before eating to safeguard their physical well-being.
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